A Roller Coaster of Emotions
Image courtesy of Pexels.
Being a Raregiver is inherently vulnerable. It can be vulnerable to even acknowledge certain parts of yourself, to allow them to surface and be held with love. These are the places calling for self- compassion, love and validation. As a Raregiver, you have lots of tender places as you contemplate the future which may include how your Rare child will fare after you're gone or what it may be like to lose them. Mortality is vulnerable. Allowing yourself to feel your own mortality and your fear around it will create room for you to rest deeper into yourself.
Identity
It's vulnerable to be a raregiver because it becomes your whole identity. Many Raregivers often forget who they are. You may forget what you like or what you find to be fulfilling. You may be very attached to the responsibility of caring for your Rare child because you have been doing it constantly since they were born. Being a raregiver can be all consuming.The question is, how can you soften to this responsibility and include other aspects of yourself.
Some things we came up with were:
Notice the feelings in your body and feel them as you breathe
Feel the fear and zoom out so you can see it for what it is
Get present to the love that that's here now
Relax into self-trust, which means less rumination and catastrophic thinking, and recognizing that you have agency as to how you respond in any moment
The Roller Coaster
As a Raregiver, you are fiercely loving your Rare child and encountering very vulnerable situations regularly. You may even feel like you're on a roller coaster and it can take a moment to realize you are in a moment of calm rather than in an emergency situation. For example, a neurotypical child can go to the dentist to have their teeth cleaned and it is a simple thing. However, for your rare child, it is not so simple. They may get anxious beforehand and need to take medication. For your rare child any number of complications can occur during a routine teeth cleaning. It can be really tricky to relax when you are encountering emergencies nearly on a daily basis.
Soak It In
When you are experiencing a moment of calm, receive it. Let it nourish you and soak it in the way a thirsty plant soaks up the rain. Be grateful for the moments when your Rare child and the rest of your family is doing well. It also serves to be grateful for the little things like the fact that you woke up today. Take the time to appreciate the beauty around you. We can become numb to the fact that the rose bushes are blooming or stop seeing the beauty of the Sycamore trees that line our road. This is a gentle reminder to take sips of this nourishment amidst the precarious vulnerability of being a Raregiver.
Join Us
Coming Up Next Week: Friendship: Communicating Through Awkwardness and Letting Go
Having a Rare child changes everything including friendships, and how it feels to move around in your community, and the world. You will experience awkward moments. Many neurotypical people do not know how to act around a child with special needs which feels uncomfortable. You are now engaging with their discomfort and your own.
How do you communicate your needs to friends? Some old friends will pull away while others embrace the changes in your life and show up to support you. You may need to let go of some relationships while opening to others with people who have the capacity to meet you where you are. Learn to trust your intuition more deeply. Come share your experiences and learn from others in this wonderful community.
Please Join Us for the Women's Empowerment Circle every Tuesday at 10am PST
You may not realize how much you need the Raregivers community until you find it.
Zoom Link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/88974713173
We look forward to being with you soon.
𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪
