Being Seen And Heard: Shine Your Light As You Communicate

There is a lot of power in being seen and heard, especially as a Raregiver. You have many relationships with professionals and family members who are on your team and communicating your needs, and the needs of your Rare child requires presence, acknowledgment, and diplomacy, rather than people pleasing or domination. Healthy communication happens when both parties feel seen and heard. Authentic communication comes from being connected to yourself–aligned in your heart, mind and body.

What gets in the way of communicating authentically for you? What makes you fall into people pleasing or domination? These are some of the questions that we contemplated in our Women’s Empowerment Circle today. For many of us, it can be challenging to speak truthfully because it's scary. We worry about how other people will feel about what we have to say, and whether they will like it, and consequently continue to like or love us. In order to stop trying to please people, you need to know what you are feeling and trust yourself as you communicate. Sometimes you might trip over your words, getting tongue tied, and in these moments, it can be useful to pause.

The sacred pause

When you pause and take some deep breaths, you can reconnect to yourself and to what is true for you in the moment. Even when you're afraid, you can comfort yourself and find a way to speak the truth. For instance, you can let the part of you that is feeling fearful know that you've got them. In the spaciousness of the pause, you can say "I've got you.”

Being seen and heard begins with you seeing and hearing all parts of yourself.

When you stop to listen to the part of you that is afraid (likely a younger part), you are inviting healing, and opening the way for honest communication.

Skillfulness – communication tips

There are ways to have a skillful conversation where both parties feel seen and heard and there are ways to ask for things that are more easily received Once you are grounded and connected to yourself, it can be useful to make a request using the phrase, "would you be willing to…? The reason this phrase is so effective is because it is open-ended and gives the person who you are asking a chance to check in with themselves and answer honestly. When you ask an open question, you will get a more truthful answer.

Listening and Validation

Another thing you can do to support skillful communication is to listen and validate what the other person is saying. So often we jump in with our opinion or our ideas rather than acknowledging that someone has offered theirs. If you've ever been in a conversation and prepared what you want to say in your head rather than listening to what the person is saying, this is a great growing edge for you. A phrase that I use when I want to validate what someone has said is, "So what I hear you saying is…, Is that accurate?” Bring your curiosity rather than your assumptions for the most successful communication that will ultimately create a connection and a feeling of fulfillment for everyone involved. Slow down and practice being seen and heard in your conversations and bring your experience to the circle next week!

Coming Up Next Week: The Mechanics of Setting Boundaries (3: Shifting Responsibilities)

Parenting your Rare child means navigating dynamics with your extended family. Oftentimes, your relatives don’t understand the nature of your child’s disease or what it’s like for you to live as a Raregiver. Misunderstandings may run rampant along with possible denial that there even is a medical issue with your child. How do you gracefully set boundaries with them?

You may find yourself comparing your Rare child to your neurotypical nieces and nephews when you see photos of them hitting milestones that your Rare child may never hit. Learn how to set boundaries with yourself and others. Please come and share your wisdom with our wonderful community.

Please Join Us for the Women's Empowerment Circle every Tuesday at 10am PST.

You may not realize how much you need the Raregivers community until you find it.

Zoom Link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/84782918881