Who Are You Beneath Caregiving?
By Padma Gordon
For many caregivers, it can be difficult to imagine what life will feel like when caregiving changes or comes to an end. When so much of your identity, energy, and daily life has been shaped around caring for someone you love, there can be a profound sense of uncertainty about who you are beyond that role. This is why cultivating a relationship with your deepest self is such an important part of the caregiving journey. When you begin to find home within yourself, you discover a place to rest that exists underneath all your identities. You are a human being first. You are not defined by the RARE disease that plays such a significant role in your family’s life.
The more deeply you know yourself beyond being a caregiver, the more supported you may feel when life changes. Whether you work part time, have a career, volunteer, create art, or devote yourself fully to caregiving, having something that connects you to your own sense of identity can be deeply nourishing. At times, you may feel as though your energy is divided and wonder if you are doing enough in either place. Pause and recognize what you are doing well. Notice the small wins with your RARE child or spouse. Give yourself credit for the countless things you carry each day.
It is also important to have places in your life where you can experience yourself as more than a caregiver. Think back to the things that nourished you before caregiving became such a central part of your life. What filled you up? What inspired you? What helped you feel most alive? Perhaps it was photography, writing, painting, swimming, dancing, yoga, walking in nature, music, gardening, or simply spending time with people who nourish your spirit. These creative and physical outlets are not luxuries. They are ways of staying connected to yourself, body and soul, while you care for someone you love. They also become threads that can help carry you through the transition when your caregiving role changes. And remember to spotlight the positive. If you find yourself caught in self-critical thoughts such as, “If I had only done this, things would have gone better,” pause. That kind of thinking will only deepen your suffering. You are doing the best you can with an extraordinarily complex and often heavy responsibility. Give yourself compassion, space, and grace.
Caregiving can be all-consuming, and one of the most powerful things you can model for your loved one is how you take care of yourself. You are not meant to give everything away. Nourishing yourself is part of loving well. Cultivate a calm and peaceful mind. Spend time with people whose company feels restorative. Connect with the divine. Move your body. Create something. Rest. Feel what you feel. Celebrate the little things. Be grateful for the time you have with the people you love, and your love for them. Acknowledge the burden you are carrying without making it mean that you are failing. There is so much possibility for growth and personal evolution on the caregiving journey. Your passions and creativity still matter. And underneath the role of caregiver, there is a whole human being who deserves to be known, nourished, and loved. Come home to that person, again and again. That relationship with yourself will give you strength as you move through your life.
Coming Up on September 29: 10 Essential Tips for Sustainable Raregivers™: Replenish with Self-care
Description: Raregivers can become easily depleted at any stage of the journey and at times even thinking of yourself can feel like another thing on your to-do list. However, it’s important to start somewhere to break the cycle of stress, overwhelm and depression. It takes practice to put your needs first and as you do, you will have more energy to care for yourself and others.
Take some time to connect with who you were before you became a raregiver. What did you like to do? What inspired you or gave you pleasure? What filled you up when you were feeling drained or down? We will come together to drink from the well of our pre-caregiver selves. Join us for an uplifting session.
Join Us for the Women's Empowerment Circle every Tuesday at 10am PST.
You may not realize how much you need the Raregivers community until you find it.
Zoom Link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/84782918881
We look forward to being with you soon.
