Standing in the Storm
By Padma Gordon
This week we explored what it means to embrace our feelings, especially the ones that feel like a storm rolling in without warning. As raregivers, you are often asked to stand at the edge of the unknown, peering into the abyss of not knowing as you contemplate the possible loss of your Rare child or Rare partner. That is not a small thing. The question becomes: how do you meet your own grief and anticipatory grief without being swept away?
You meet it one breath at a time, rooted and grounded in compassion. True compassion includes self-compassion. It means flowing the warm light of love and connection toward your own heart. When you practice self-compassion, your capacity expands. You become more able to sit with grief in all its flavors. You begin to notice when you are aligned with yourself and whether you can meet your own experience without judgment. Contemplating death, as painful as it is, can teach you how to live well. And living well means turning toward your fears rather than running from them.
When you first receive a diagnosis, it is in your face. You are thrust into a medicalized lifestyle filled with appointments, a lack of information, and a vast amount of uncertainty. You are asked to contemplate loss while continuing to live. Many raregivers find that this confrontation with mortality sharpens their appreciation for life and deepens their love for the people in their world. Some lean on faith to steady their hearts. And yet, when feelings are ignored or stuffed down, they do not disappear. They often surface in the body as headaches, stomach aches, tight shoulders, or sleepless nights. Avoiding emotion can look productive, especially when it shows up as constant problem solving. Problem solving has its place, and it can also be a way of not feeling. Notice it. Catch yourself. Pause. Feel.
As a full-time caregiver, your role is 24/7. That means your mind can run all night if you let it. This is why practices like loving-kindness, known in the Buddhist tradition as metta meditation, can be so powerful. You begin with yourself and ask, how can I take care of myself at this moment? You might develop what one person called a “joy radar” moving gently with the gentle winds of joy. You can use allies such as soothing scents like lavender or rose geranium, or a candle that brings comfort. If self-care feels like you are giving too much to yourself, pause and examine that belief. A sustainable life as a raregiver requires doing things differently. Practice self-compassion, and then practice it some more. This is how you learn to stand in the storm, rooted in kindness, steady in your heart, and strong enough to feel what is true.
Coming Up Next Week: Saying the Hard Things (Stage 5: How to handle worries about End-of-Life)
We will discuss the different stages of acceptance you go through in a Rare family. Receiving a diagnosis impacts the adults in the family as well as any siblings. The structure of your family can change in an instant. There is a lot to accept and integrate. How do you talk about the hard things when you barely know what you are feeling? How do you stay present with yourself and skillfully communicate with your partner and your other children about the changes you are experiencing as a family? Join us to shine the light on blocks to communication and learn skillful tools for how to say what you really want to say.
Please Join Us for the Women's Empowerment Circle every Tuesday at 10am PST.
You may not realize how much you need the Raregivers community until you find it.
Zoom Link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/84782918881
We look forward to being with you soon.
𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪
