Expressing Needs with Care: Routines, Requests, and Self-Compassion for Raregivers
This week in our Tuesday Women's Empowerment Circle we talked about having needs, making requests, and setting skillful boundaries. As a raregiver you have a very full life and may have both Rare and neurotypical children. It may not be uncommon to take on extra things at your neurotypical child's school and feel like you end up being stretched. In times like these, it's useful to use your team. First, you need to recognize that you have needs by slowing down, pausing, looking inside, and discerning what it is that you need. Many raregivers find that it is useful to create routines to support healthy habits and create sustainability.
This of course is easier said than done since as a raregiver you may find yourself becoming immersed in the latest crisis, and dropping everything. Dropping everything includes dropping your self-care, and only realizing you have dropped it when you come up for air and don't feel fully like yourself. Having routines can be an incredible support for maintaining self-care practices like taking micromoments to pause and relax and breathe deeply. We also talked about how doing just five minutes of meditation can change how you feel, and the good thing about meditation is that the effect is cumulative. I invite you to sit down and practice meditation for just five minutes a day without any expectation of how quiet your mind will or won't be. Meditation is a form of active rest because the mind is quiet and you are resting.
When you hit a point of being overwhelmed, it's a signal that you need to pause and an indication that you need to ask for help. Asking for help might look like delegating tasks to someone else or perhaps like resisting scrolling on your phone which can be exhausting. One of our participants mentioned that she has deleted many apps from her phone to remain more focused and use her small amounts of personal time for true self-care. And, if you do fall into unhealthy habit patterns, be gentle with yourself and practice self-compassion
Making requests takes skill. First you name the situation at hand and then you find the right person to assist you who has the skill set to do the task. That said, they will not do the task the way you would do it and help me not always look like what you want it to look like. It's a very delicate situation because your Rare child is vulnerable, especially if they are non-verbal and cannot communicate when someone has not cared for them properly. Your life as a raregiver has a lot of complexity, please be kind to yourself and acknowledge yourself as you take incremental steps towards creating a sustainable self-care routine. Your self-care is the basis for your family's health and well-being.
Coming Up Next Week: Surviving Family Gatherings: Team Play: A Communication Toolkit
Your Rare family works as a team. You are in it together, share a common vision, and goals. This includes relationships with your partner, children, healthcare professionals, friends, co-workers, etc. We will explore some key elements of what makes for a great team including collaboration, listening and validation. You will learn how to be a better team player by practicing these skills because in order to support your Rare family, you need to have a healthy team. Let’s cheer each other on and expand our communication skills.
Please Join Us for the Women's Empowerment Circle every Tuesday at 10am PST.
You may not realize how much you need the Raregivers community until you find it.
Zoom Link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/84782918881
Wishing you and your family a Happy Thanksgiving!
