The Places We Go When We’re Hurting

Photo by Pablo Merchán Montes courtesy of Unsplash

There are places inside us we only go when we’re hurting. Places where words falter and the heart feels unbearably heavy. These are the dark corners of our emotional landscape—where grief, fear, and a deep, aching anguish live. As a Raregiver, these places may become familiar. Not because you choose them, but because the path you’ve been given leads you through them again and again.

Perhaps you can remember the moment you received your Rare child’s diagnosis and you entered Stage 2 on the Raregiver’s Emotional Journey Map. This wasn’t a medical update. It was a seismic shift in your world. Perhaps your knees buckled under the weight of what that meant. The ground disappeared. It was as if someone had cracked your heart open, and everything you hadn’t felt in your life came rushing in like a torrent. You may have shed tears you didn’t know you had, experienced grief you hadn’t dared to name, and a raw anguish devoured you to the core. Anguish is a soul-deep pain that doesn’t ask permission before it arrives.

Breath

Breath doesn’t fix or erase the pain, but it holds space for it. It can gently remind you that you are still here. This is hard, and you are still breathing. Breath is your ally. It invites you back into your body, back into this moment. With every inhale, you can let yourself soften. With every exhale, you are invited to release just a little of the tightness wrapped around your heart.

Raregivers often find a sense of purpose in caring for their children. Their needs are constant, and your love is limitless. But this purpose, while beautiful, can sometimes consume you. You may forget that you matter too. Self-care isn’t just a luxury—it’s a lifeline. Tending to yourself with the same compassion and gentleness you give to your children creates a sense of inner settledness. It is this settledness that allows you to keep showing up, again and again, with open hearts and steady hands.

Still, it can be easy to lose sight of who you are outside of caregiving. You were a person before the diagnosis. You are still those people, even if the shape of your life has changed. You are more than your role as a Raregiver. Notice what you love. Maybe you are someone who loves poetry, who finds joy in the smell of rain, who longs for connection and moments of beauty. Reclaiming those parts of ourselves is an act of quiet rebellion and a deep form of healing.

Stillness

Healing asks for stillness. And stillness is not always comfortable. When we sit in silence, even just for a minute, we may encounter the pain we’ve been outrunning. That’s why we scroll, check emails, and distract ourselves. We avoid the silence because we fear the flood of feelings waiting there.

Yet, the stillness is not empty. It’s a vast expanse of peace. A gentle container where you can slow down, breathe, and simply be. In that space, you can welcome all our feelings. You can feel the discomfort, the sorrow, the love, the rage—and let the energy move through us, rather than stagnate inside us. It’s in the stillness that you can begin to soften, to release, to heal.

Anguish will visit again. So will grief. But with breath, with stillness, with self-compassion, you may discover how to meet these guests with grace. You can learn that you are not broken, you are courageous. And in the quietest, most painful places of our journey, you are never alone.

You are doing sacred work. And you are allowed to rest.

Join Us

Coming Up Next Week: The Places we Go When Things Are Uncertain or Too Much 

The life of a Raregiver includes a lot of uncertainty and too muchness. What happens when things are just too much? You get stressed, overwhelmed, anxious, and worried. You may also feel like checking out or are living with a lurking sense of dread, fear and very real vulnerability. This is a lot to navigate on a regular basis and you are doing it day in and day out. You are stressed because you never know what will happen with your Rare child next and are living in a state of not being able to control things outside yourself. Please join us for a tender dialogue where you can share your heart, feel connected to others who get you and perhaps learn some new tools for navigating the inherent stress of your life.

Please Join Us for the Women's Empowerment Circle every Tuesday at 10am PST

Zoom Link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/84782918881

We look forward to being with you soon.