The Perils of Comparison
Photo courtesy of Unsplash
When we fall into comparison, we suffer. Comparison was the subject of our Women's Empowerment Circle this week. It can be very challenging, not to compare your Rare child to other people's neurotypical children. Other people's children will hit milestones that your Rare child may or may not hit. Comparing often leads to feeling less than or not enough and it may take you down a rabbit hole of self-deprecating thoughts. The key is to notice what's happening, pause and shift your perspective. This is how you free yourself from the clutches of comparison.
Events
You and your Rare family may find yourself at events like a cookout or a Fourth of July picnic where you see lots of children running around, playing games and having fun. These children are doing things that your Rare child is likely unable to do. One participant in our group said that she gets a "pang" in her chest in these moments – a kind of a panicky feeling. There's discomfort and upset and, on top of that, a feeling of needing to hide her emotions. She said that she looks away so she doesn't get sad and pretends everything is fine. This takes a lot of energy. If you can allow yourself to pause, step away from the group and have your feelings, you will experience relief. And remember, your feelings make sense.
Micro Moments
As you're navigating your life as a Raregiver, you may find it helpful to prioritize micro moments of self-care. For example, take your time and savor your coffee in the morning. Imagine that as you take a sip of coffee, you are taking a sip of self-care. As you are watering the flowers in your garden, slow down and notice the colors of the Tiger lillies and the Bearded iris. Let yourself be nourished by the beauty of what is all around you. In this way, you are making deposits into your self-care account which is akin to deep nourishment. This kind of nourishment is cumulative, and every time you pause to drink in the goodness of the little things in your life, you are widening the pathway to peace, where you can rest and let yourself find ease. As a Raregiver, you need to take care of yourself. If you are drained or tapped out, it will not be sustainable to care for your Rare child.
Join Us
Coming Up Next Week: The Places we Go When We’re Hurting
As a Raregiver, you have experienced deep pain, hurt and even anguish. As Brene’ Brown says, “ Anguish not only takes away our ability to breathe, feel and think – it comes for our bones. Anguish often causes us to physically crumple in on ourselves, literally bringing us to our knees or forcing us all the way to the ground. The element of powerlessness is what makes anguish traumatic. We are unable to change, reverse, or negotiate what has happened.” Perhaps you can relate to this and you have crumpled to the ground in response to hearing your Rare child’s diagnosis, you are not alone. Join us for a powerful conversation. Come share the pain and anguish you have experienced with others who will understand.
Please Join Us for the Women's Empowerment Circle every Tuesday at 10am PST
Zoom Link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/84782918881
Have a Happy July 4th Weekend!
