How To Take Care of Yourself as a Caregiver
By Padma Gordon
How do you take care of yourself as a caregiver? Prioritizing yourself while caring for someone you love takes intention. You are often hypervigilant, practical, and constantly problem-solving. You are the one figuring out what to do when your rare child’s ride falls through, anticipating what might happen next, and thinking several steps ahead because you can and because you have to. You can spend so much time in your brain that you may feel like you are always in your head.
Yet caring for yourself asks you to reconnect your body and mind, to meet yourself where you are, and to be present with whatever is arising. This can be challenging because when you finally slow down, you may encounter worry, fear, grief, or catastrophic thinking.
The invitation is not to push these feelings away, but to feel them, breathe with them, and be present. One participant shared today, “In seven years, I’ve never taken six minutes of silence for myself. I haven’t even stopped thinking for a minute in seven years. All I do is worry about what’s going to happen to my rare child when I’m not here.” It takes a concerted effort, and a lot of practice, to find moments of peace.
You are spread thin. Spread thin like the tiniest layer of peanut butter on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when the jar is almost empty. So then the question becomes, how do you include yourself? What nourishes you? What creates a sustainable journey? This might mean journaling, meditation, walking, macro photography, sitting in the sunshine, listening to music, or doing anything that brings you joy.
The practice is to actually be there while you are doing it. Feel the sun on your face. Notice your breath. Take in the beauty of the photograph you are creating. Feel the pen moving across the page. These are sips of joy and goodness, small moments that remind your nervous system that your life is more than managing what needs to happen next. You can also set boundaries around your energy. This means saying no sometimes, protecting your time, and choosing not to spend your precious energy on things that are not essential. Every no can create a little more space for you to tend to yourself.
And you can start small. Even pausing for a micro moment, or getting up and walking to the kitchen for a glass of water, can become an invitation to slow down, listen to your body, sense your breath, and ask yourself, What do I need right now? Caregivers are often exceptionally good at seeing what everyone else needs. The invitation is to turn that same loving attention toward yourself.
Ask for help. Receive support. It’s ok to take six minutes. Take one minute. Take three breaths. You don’t have to wait until everything is handled to include yourself in your own life. Your nourishment matters, your joy matters, your body matters, and your life matters. Caring for yourself is not separate from caring for the person you love. It is part of creating a journey that is sustainable and nourishing for you and your Rare family.
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