Appreciation Creates Connection
Photo by Anete Lusina courtesy of Pexels
Notice the little ways you show up for yourself which may include attending a support group, exercising, taking a shower, putting lotion on your face and body, feeding yourself a good meal or connecting with someone you love. It all matters because You Matter. Your presence is a gift you can give to yourself. From here, you can offer your attention and appreciation to the people you love.
Gratitude and Appreciation
Expressing your gratitude for your life and the world around you is different from appreciating your partner. Many Raregivers talk about team playing very well together which is great and it's different from noticing specifically what you appreciate about your partner – someone with whom you share family and a home. Take a moment to reflect on what you appreciate about being in a partnership. Notice what makes your partner special to you. After being in a relationship for many years, it can be easy to take things for granted and focus on what is not working or where they are falling short. It takes intention to look for what is working and what you love and adore about your partner, and it’s worth it. Gratitude is the secret sauce to having a healthy relationship.
Getting Frustrated
It can be easy to find yourself getting annoyed with your partner for joking around or being on a different frequency than you are. They might be upbeat while you are exhausted. In these moments, you might find yourself rolling your eyes or grumbling. As an experiment, see if you can receive what they are saying. Catch the ball before you throw it back by saying something like, "I appreciate your effort at being funny and I'm really exhausted. Can we just sit on the couch and be quiet for a few minutes?” By doing this you have acknowledged their effort (caught the ball) and expressed your true need.
Ruptures Happen
Sometimes ruptures will happen, and you will find yourself “face down in the arena” as Brené Brown says. Cut yourself some slack. You aren't perfect. No one is. Offer yourself forgiveness for a moment of being reactive. Lead the way by being the one to apologize first. Making swift repairs is key. The sooner you can repair, the better. Give yourself room to be human as you tend to the garden of your relationship. Relationships are messy by nature so if yours is messy, you're in good company with the rest of us. It is often a good idea to pause and take space before you apologize, and perhaps when it feels right, share a hug. When you are apologizing, take responsibility, own your mistakes and allow your partner to receive your offering. Self- responsibility is one of the keys to freedom and harmony in relationships. When you do make an apology, notice that the word "but" erases whatever comes after it. (Make a wise choice.) If you say, I'm really sorry that I talked to you in a harsh tone, but you really upset me when you said…you will have missed the mark. Give yourself space and try again. Communication is a high art, and communicating with a partner takes patience, practice and skill. The good news is, it’s a learnable skill.
Come Join Us
Coming Up Next Week: Shifting Responsibilities: How To Set Boundaries
Parenting your Rare child means navigating dynamics with your extended family. Oftentimes, your mother or sister will not understand the nature of your child’s disease or what it’s like for you to live as a Raregiver. Misunderstandings may run rampant along with denial that there even is a medical issue with your child. How do you gracefully set boundaries with them?
You may find yourself comparing your Rare child to your neurotypical nieces and nephews when you see photos of them hitting milestones that your Rare child may never hit. Learn how to set boundaries with yourself and others. Please come and share your wisdom with our wonderful community.
Zoom Link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/88974713173
We look forward to being with you soon.
